GUTFUDUM
noun /gʊt-fʌ-dʌm/
Satire with Benefits.
“But now… What does that mean though, right?
Well…nothing, really. I just… I just thought it sounded neat.
What da ya want for nothin’? A rubber biscuit?1
But look. Just because it doesn’t really have any particular meaning doesn’t mean you can’t imagine it does, right?
Choose your own adventure.
And I’ll tell ya… It sure got me thinking.
It made me wonder… Is it possible to create a satire of ‘satire’?
Not a satire of another satire, but a satire of the very concept of ‘satire’.
Well…
Yes.
Now, it is very difficult and I haven’t quite gotten there yet, but if my calculations are correct - and they always are - it should cause the post-modern satire wave function to collapse in on itself, not revealing a single state as in quantum mechanics, but rather destroying all states, information itself delaminating from the very lattice of existence until each bleached piece of thought not only becomes unrecognizable in and of itself, but also all that previously had the ability of recognition, lose that special agency, and everything is reduced to the same non-state of non-being.
The benefit?
Well…
We’ll finally finish somethin’.
EVERYTHING.
I’ll keep you updated. Although I imagine you will notice something, regardless.
Now, on a personal level, one of the benefits of GUTFUDUM has been the opportunity to really explore self-satire as a sort of therapy.
In reality, I would of course never submit to traditional therapy because…if I’m being perfectly honest, I don't really need it. But if I did enter into therapy, rest assured, I would win. Soundly defeating the therapist.2
But you know, therapy isn’t just a contest. It can be entertainment, too. A hobby, if you will. A pastime. And I’ve had a lot of fun satirizing myself, exaggerating my ego to the furthest extreme, trying to imagine what changes would have to be made to correct any associated negatives that would be present if there were any. Alas, try as I might, I haven’t been able to come up with anything.
Is it difficult being cursed with perfect humility? Of course not. Not for me, anyway. What a stupid question.3
And you know, the same type of person who would ask that question would also probably say that what I’m doing isn’t even really satire. That I’m missing the point. That you do, at the very least, actually have to be critical of something. Otherwise, what does satire even mean?
But you know what? If you’re as good at satire as I am - few are - it just doesn’t really matter.
Oh…
There it goes…
v g e y r e h i n t
4 ”




The Chips by way of The Blues Brothers. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_Biscuit
It really could be therapeutic, but in reality it just allows me to pretend, “I’m just joking.” whenever my behavior gets too obnoxious…for my collection of stuffed animals.
The simplest interpretation of “Satire with benefits.” is that… Yes, I’m casually fucking myself. This footnote needs a footnote.